I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
