i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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