11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
it glows. i had to have it.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
