so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
