I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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