I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
