one might say we're banned from that church
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You have to summon your inner elephant
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
