had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize