Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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