garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Randomize
