I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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