If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
how drunk are you?
Several
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
