My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
