It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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