I'm pants shitting drunk right now
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
