Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
