Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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