I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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