This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
