i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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