Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize