just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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