Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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