My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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