I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
