Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
