My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
