thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i came on her dog
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We had sex on a dog bed..
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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