May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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