shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
