My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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