It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
a search helicopter?!
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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