Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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