Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
