omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
