The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
