It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
