Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
