ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
