I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
