Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
