Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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