Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My vagina is officially offended.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
