Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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