hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
