from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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