He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just gargled with NyQuil
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
