I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
