Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
