every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
