i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
