You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
