When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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