If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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