He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
