I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You don't make any sense
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