Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
