stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
