i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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