Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize