the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
