I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
organizing the empties. That sober.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
