i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
