The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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