if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
