Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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