Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
