i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
