Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
